I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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