My underwear smells like fireworks.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
