How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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