It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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