The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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