5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
