This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
