Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
