Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
