worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
