I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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