Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
