No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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