had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Randomize
