its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My ATM looks so different sober.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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