Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
