Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
