i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
