i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
