guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
