the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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