I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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