After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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