brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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