He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize