you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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