I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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