i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
