Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
