I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
