JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
