I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
