Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Randomize
