i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
