if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize