Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
