i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
