i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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