Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
