Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
is that a dick in a sweater?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
