remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
