apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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