I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
please come you make the beer taste better
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Randomize
