remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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