so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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