just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
