Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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