So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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