this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize