he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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