I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
