and you said cock pushups were impossible
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
