you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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