Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
