It's just like the Real World with babies
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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