This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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