If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
