she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
