Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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