i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
