I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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