why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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