i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Never joke about your clitoris.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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