I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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