Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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