No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
