After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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