I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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