we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
