u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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