I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
