I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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