Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize