Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
