What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
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