My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
