Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
