:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
