Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
