just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
