She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
