I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
