So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
