I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
